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newmuppetscrossover.p1
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1995-08-20
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256 lines
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
Path: newserv.ksu.ksu.edu!moe.ksu.ksu.edu!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!news.intercon.com!panix!ddsw1!news.kei.com!ub!acsu.buffalo.edu!tobrien
From: tobrien@acsu.buffalo.edu (Tom O'Brien)
Subject: **new startrek muppets crossover**
Message-ID: <CoMKF1.Bw5@acsu.buffalo.edu>
~Sender: nntp@acsu.buffalo.edu
Nntp-Posting-Host: autarch-14.acsu.buffalo.edu
Organization: UB
~Date: Thu, 21 Apr 1994 19:49:48 GMT
~Lines: 241
by Tom O'Brien
April, 1994
Hi. This is not originally my idea. The original crossover was posted, over
an archive I believe a little while back. I just thought I would try my hand
at it. This is my first time attempting writing anything like this, so I am
only posting a little of what I posted. I would appreciate any feedback,
please be truthful. All I ask is that you're not too cruel on me. Thanks.
Tom - tobrien@acsu.buffalo.edu
-scene 1-
(Space, the Enterprise slowly enters)
Picard: Captain's Log, Stardate 48243.5 After a trying mission on Beta
Centauri 3, the Enterprise is en route to Risa for a well-deserved shore leave.
(Ten Forward. Picard and Dr. Crusher are having a casual conversation.)
Picard: Have you heard from the bo- I mean Wesley?
Crusher: Actually, no. Not since he left with the Traveller. I hope he's okay.
Picard: Yes, me too.
Worf (over comm-link): Bridge to Captain Picard.
Picard: Picard here. Go ahead Mr. Worf.
Worf: Captain, I think you should come to the bridge.
Picard: On my way. Excuse me Beverly.
-scene 2-
(Bridge. Everyone is at there stations. Riker is standing. Picard enters.)
Picard: What is it, Mr. Worf?
Worf: There is an unidentified vessel approaching.
Picard: On screen.
(On the screen appears a giant Pig shaped starship)
Picard: Mr. Data?
Data: The ship fits no known designs in Starfleets records, sir.
Picard: Open hailing frequencies. (computer blips) This is Captain Jean-Luc Picard
of the Federation Starship Enterprise. Are you in any trouble?
(On screen appears the bridge of the other ship. There are three pigs at the controls, laughing.
A pig with glasses and strange hair pulls a lever and the female pig disappears. He pulls
it up again and the pig in the center, apparently the captain disappears and in the place
of the female pig appears a blue..thing)
Gonzo: I'm not supposed to be here, am I?
(the lever pulling/appearing act continues. back on the Enterprise)
Picard: Counselor??
Troi: I sense happiness...merriment.
Picard: This is Captain Picard of the Enterprise. Is there a problem?
(someone pulls another lever. Gonzo appears on bridge of the enterprise. Worf
draws his phaser)
Gonzo: (screams) aaahh (disappears. finally the original crew appears)
Link: Ummm, yes sorry. This is Captain Link Hogthrob of the Starship Swinetrek.
We are having minor problems with our control systems. It seems they were
repaired with parts from an old toaster.
Strangepork: Yes, problems always seem to be 'popping up' on this ship!
(The three pigs all laugh.)
Picard: Can we be of assistance?
Link: Umm, I dunno.
Picard: Well, if there is any-
Link: Wait, I got it! Do you have a...oh what are they called...a....conducter!
Picard: Conductor??
Link: Yeah, like a guy who drive the trains? choo-choo (laughs to himself)
Picard: Trains?...oh, do you mean an engineer?
Link: um...yeah... guess so.
Picard: Yes, we do. LaForge to the bridge.
LaForge: Right away Captain.
Picard: I assume you would like to have your engineer discuss matters with ours?
Link: Hey, good idea. Wish I would've thought of that! Honeydew, get up here.
LaForge: Yessir?
(LaForge appears on the bridge)
Picard: Mr. LaForge, the Swinetrek appears to having some electrical difficulties.
Please see if you can help.
LaForge: Yessir. (to viewscreen) My name is Geordi LaForge, how can I help you?
Honeydew: My name is Doctor Bunson Honeydew and this is my assistant
Beaker. I think you might be of more help over here.
LaForge: Captain?
Picard: Very well. Head to transporter room three.
LaForge: yessir. (exits)
Picard: Well, I assume this will take some time. Captain, may I invite you over
to the Enterprise? Perhaps we can learn more about each other.
Link: Good idea.
(suddenly, the bridge of the Enterprise is filled with chickens and pigs and dogs and
bears and...you get the picture)
Picard: What the...I didn't mean your whole crew! (sighs) Very well. My name is
Captain Picard and welcome to Fantasy Isla- uh I mean welcome to the Enterprise.
Feel free to roam the ship. My crew is at your service. (uses comm-link) Attention,
this is Captain Picard. We have some visitors. Please make them feel welcome. Picard out.
(aside, to Worf) See to it that all important areas are secure.
Worf: Aye, Sir.
(fade to commercial)
-insert commercial here-
-scene 3-
(someone's quarters. Swedish chef is surrounded by cooking utensils. Singing)
Chef: ...bork! bork! bork! (he goes over to the replicator) MMMM.....un fen de fern de doocky.
Computer: Please, repeat request.
Chef: DUckie, de duckie!!
(computer replicates a rubber ducky. Ernie appears out of nowhere)
Ernie: Hey, That's mine! (laughs)
Chef: no nu du ducky. de chicky. CHICKY
(computer replicates a rubber chicken. Chef sighs.)
-scene 4-
( Ten Forward. Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem are playing in the
background.)
Dr. Teeth (singing): Can you picture that?
(Riker and Guinan are sitting at a table together)
Riker: I just don't understand. How long are these...things going to stay here?
Guinan: Oh, that's very understanding of you. What happened to 'seeking out new life forms?'
Riker: I don't know it's just....
Guinan: I tell you what, try and get along. Find something in common with them.
(Riker's eyes catch a trombone on stage)
Riker: maybe you're right. (walks up on stage and plays something that just doesn't
fit in with the song. The band immediatly stops palying and stares at Riker.)
-scene 6-
(sickbay. Janice and Piggy are walking around sickbay, playing with buttons, scaring patients, etc. Rowlf is looking at some strange looking alien)
Rowlf: Looks like hit got hit with the ugly stick!
Crusher: Doctor! This patient was involved in a phaser accident.
Rowlf: So, he was SHOT with the ugly PHASER!
(Janice and Piggy laugh loudly)
Crusher: Um, Doctor, would you mind if I ask you what race you are?
Rowlf: I'm a dog.
Crusher: A dog??
Rowlf: Yeah. I guess that makes me a dog...race. Gee, that was a bad joke...even for me.
(janice and piggy laugh loudly. Rowlf looks at them like they have three heads)
Crusher: I need a vacation
-scene 7-
(aboard the Swinetrek)
Honeydew: I have been working on a way to use my assistant Beaker to conduct
electricity . (Beaker screams and tries to run away) Now, Beaker don't
be a scardy cat!
(he puts a metal cap on beaker and pushes him into a space in the wall. Beaker's eyes light up)
Geordi: Hmmm, I have to try that with Data....
-scene 8-
(Picard and Link are in Captain's ready room)
Data (over comm-link): Sir, there is a sub-space message for Captain Hogthrob.
Picard: He can take it in here. (turns computer screen around to Hogthrob)
Kermit (on computer screen): Hi-ho, this is Admiral Kermit the Frog here.
Link: Admiral! Um, is there a problem?
Kermit: